Pacesetter Vol XLI No. 1 Broadsheet Issue
By Florence Vila, Carolyn Vitente and Joseph Sonajo
If you taught you already knew everything, well, think again.
The world is filled with untold stories, of histories, which are strongly hidden for the fear of being mocked, being judged, and the fear of ruining a relationship. Such accounts can be about a broken family, an awful break-up or a cheated friend. But then, this time, it’s not about them anymore. It’s about the ones with the most heart-pinching stories which unnoticing start and secretly end, the cases of the abused.
The reality is that anyone could be a victim of this nightmarish experience. They could be your friend, classmate or acquaintance. They can be the ones you always encounter although you may not notice them at all.
Or they may be you.
“Sabunot, sampal, minsan sa sobrang galit suntok na nga”
Wounds take time to heal but the scars will still remain. The marks of brutality and pain are undeniably present especially for Mae, not her real name. Abuse became the companion of this third year Legal management student, ever since her father had a motorcycle accident way back in 2000. Hindered to get back to his job, this event in her family’s life was the start of their seemingly unending hardships.
“Maliit na bagay lang, napupuna na niya. ‘Pag lasing siya, agad nananakit siya. ‘Pag may nagawa kaming mali, imbes na kausapin na lang niya kami e sinasaktan niya pa kaming mga kapatid ko. Tapos minsan, pati mama ko. Sabunot, sampal, minsan sa sobrang galit, suntok na nga,” recalled Mae.
Her father’s unemployment together with the bulking expenses for his medication turned their fairytale into a brutal nightmare. Along came financial problems which, eventually, changed the once calm, sensible and responsible man into an inhumane being that gave them the life they never thought they would have. As this monster began to beat each of them in the family unreasonably, their world then started to totally turn upside down.
“Ang tingin niya sa sarili niya,parang wala kasi siyang kwenta, kasi ‘yong ibang tatay nga naman, binubuhay ‘yong pamilya nila. Parang nasasaktan siya tuwing naiisip n’ya na parang wala man lang siyang magawa para sa ’min,” told Mae.
For 11 years, Mae had to endure all those terrible sufferings, from bruises, scratches and different wounds on her face and body, all coming from her father. This maltreatment of her dearest man soon triggered hatred resulting to a broken trust and faded love.
“Medyo nasanay na ako [na sinasaktan]. Kasi lagi na lang eh. Madami s’yang salitang [masasakit] na lumalabas sa bibig n’ya. Parang parte na talaga ng buhay namin ang ganito [pananakit]. ‘Yong tipong parang ayaw ko nang umuwi ng bahay kasi ganon ‘yong tatay ko, tapos naiinggit ako sa mga tatay na nakaka-bonding nila ‘yong mga anak tapos parang magkakabarkada lang ‘yong turingan nila. Gustung-gusto ko maranasan ‘yong gano’n,” said Mae.
Despite her heart for rebellion, Mae admitted that she still couldn’t fight back because of the fact that he was still her father after all. Her pleads of mercy to her father were all up to no avail and it was only her mother’s comforting words that comfort her every time the trouble happens.
“Minsan, nasasabi ko sa sarili ko, ‘Bakit nabuhay pa kami kung ganitong buhay pala ‘yong dadatnan namin? ...ba’t ‘di pa siya mamatay para ‘di na kami mahirapan pa?’” related Mae.
Yet, she still hoped that soon, they could flip these dark memories into new and positive ones. Fortunately, her hopes didn’t fail her. As their father came to realize their terrible situation, her desire to have a loving and peaceful family became a reality once more.
“Sa ngayon, okay naman kaming pamilya. Madalang na lang siyang nananakit. Dahil [siguro] lumalaki na kami at tumatanda na silang pareho ni mama ko. Siguro napag-isip-isip n’ya na walang kakampi ni isang anak n’ya [sa kanya] dahil alam niya na ni minsan hindi naging tama ang mga pangaral n’ya na dinadaan agad sa pananakit sa amin. Saka siguro nakikita n’yang lumalaki na kaming mga anak n’ya. Na alam na namin ang tama at mali,’’ ended Mae.
“Nawalan kasi ako ng pangarap”
Emotional pain is always harder to endure than the physical one. While there is a cure for the latter, the remedy for the first is not certain at all. An individual can also experience intense emotional afflictions. As every person wants to love and to be loved back, it might affect them if they would not meet the necessity innate to their being.
“Eleven years old ako no’ng namatay Mami ko, namatay siya due to cardiac arrest. Simula no’n, talagang naghirap kami, naibenta ‘yong ilang sasakyan at nagkanda-utang ‘yong tindahan. ‘The Great Sadness’,” revealed Gretch, not her real name, from the College of Arts and Letters.
Gretch's world suddenly falls when the only strength she has had finally left her. Loneliness and grief enveloped her and that didn’t make her life easy. Adding to her pain, Gretch discovered how her father's condition can make everything even worse.
“Mula ng namatay si mami napariwara rin si Dade. Lagi siya sa beer house, umuuwing lasing. Sobrang sakit sa ’kin no’ng may inuwi s’yang babae. Parang gano’n lang kadali para sa kanya na makahanap ng kapalit ni Mami. No’ng minsang umuwi si Dade, I think one year nang wala si mama no’n. Ginising nya ko no’n no’ng umaga tapos kasama nya ‘yong babae. Umiiyak lang ako no’n habang nag-aasikaso papasok sa school. ‘Di ko na rin s’ya nakausap tungkol do’n," she narrated.
Because of all the cascading events that she experienced, the once bright and studious little girl during her elementary days lost her interest in school. “Tinamad ako mag-aral. Noon parang hindi na talaga ako makausap saka parang nawalan kasi ako ng pangarap,” shared Gretch.
To show her frustration, when some guy woos her, Gretch would take that as an opportunity to enact revenge.
"‘Pag may nagkakagusto sa akin, pinapaasa ko tapos iniiwan ko. Hindi kasi ako sanay na may lalaking espesyal ang trato sa akin. Parang ang hirap magtiwala. Kaya ‘pag may ganoon, ine-enjoy ko lang ‘yong feeling na may may nagkakandarapa sa akin tapos ‘pag ‘di ko na feel, tigil na," Gretch told Pacesetter.
But then, Karma’s a bitch, Gretch fell in love with a guy who doesn’t like her. She realized that revenge is not the answer for her problems. Finally, she learned how to accept the changes in her life by being strong enough to continue even with all the scars in her heart. As a proof, she has now learned to accept about the new lover of her father and they are now living with her stepmom.
"Marami naman kasing dahilan para maging masaya. Kung ipapako ko lang ‘yong sarili ko sa nakaraan na gawa ng pagkakamali ng ibang tao sa paligid ko e mali ‘yon," explained Gretch.
“Napakabigat ng dala kong problema”
When uncontrollable desire decides to gush from one’s nerves and system, there are no friends, no more loved ones and no more family. By then, all that matters is the irresistible need to release that sensation that keeps a person from thinking which is wrong or right.
Hannah, an aspiring broadcaster shared what happened when she and her Dad stayed with her Lolo’s for a vacation. At the age of12, she was at the verge of puberty. Her father made a ‘move’ on her.
“Nagsimula ‘yon around June or July, 2007. As usual, sa isang room kami natulog kasi normal lang naman sa amin na minsan tabi-tabi. Then no’ng madaling araw, naalimpungatan ako. Ayun may ‘something’ pero nagpanggap ako na tulog kasi hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ang nangyayari,” she recounted.
Hannah’s innocence made her scared to ask and fight for she didn’t know what to do. Reality wakes her from her 'so-called' dream when she finally discovered that her nightmares are real. It happened again and again, she pretends to be asleep and unaware of what is really happening.
“No’ng mga sumunod na araw wala naman binabanggit ‘yong Dad ko kaya akala ko panaginip ko lang. Hanggang sa naulit ‘yon. Nararamdaman ko hinahawak-hawakan niya ako. Tapos may pinasok siya sa pagitan ng hita ko,” Hannah revealed.
Her nightmares came into life at least once in a month in her whole high school life until her first day in college as she and her father are always left alone in their house. Her father is a househusband while Hannah’s mother was only home during the weekends. Meanwhile, her older sister leaved for university early and came home late at night.
Hannah admitted that she had already lost count of how many times her father mother nightmares a living hell. She wanted to be free from her monster of a dad but her attempts were feeble.
“Buong high school ko napakabigat ng dala kong problema. ‘Yon ‘yong dahilan kung bakit naglalaslas ako ng buong second at third year. [Dahil do’n], ‘di na ako nagtitiwala sa lalaki. Minsan i-expect ko na agad ang worst sa kanila,” Hannah said.
It was only on her first year in college, when she hallucinated due to dengue, that she had finally confessed everything to her mother. Her sickness brought her to reveal the more painful truths. “[‘Yong Ate ko], hinawakan. Kumbaga pinagtangkaan lang. Nagsumbong agad si Ate eh. Hangang-hanga ako sa kanya. Pero ang alam niya na nangyari sa akin ay ’yong katulad ng kanya. ‘Di niya alam na natuloy ‘yong akin. Hindi niya alam kung gaano karaming beses,” Hannah cried.
After she confessed of what had happened, her mother and her Ate decided to depart from their father’s house. Despite their freedom from the abusive father, still, the damage has already been done. Hannah decided to build walls around her and shield herself from future heartaches and sufferings.
"Medyo kakaiba ang naging pag-express ko ng emotions. Minsan natatawa ko ‘pag may patay or natutuwa ako. Natuto ako na gumawa ng maskara para sa sarili ko. Maskara para ipakita sa tao kung ano lang gusto kong ipakita sa kanila," Hannah concluded.
Case Closed
Abuse cases are obviously a serious issue in the country proven by the countless complaints and testimonies being accounted for the last few years. According to Bobby Lopez, Head Coordinator on Human Rights Education, these instances, which is usually prolonged in silence, had caused demoralization of every victim’s being and fear of interacting with other people.
“Kasi sa atin Filipino kasi may culture of silence. Karaniwan ng mga na-a-abuse e mga bata. They would feel na helpless, defenseless and sometimes being threatened. They preferred to be silent because they are afraid na masira ung relationship na mayroon sa pamilya," Lopez explained.
Indeed, abusing is an alarming matter that is needed to be resolved at once. Lives are damaged. Personal being is affected. Nevertheless, it is still the support of the family, relatives, friends and anyone who can be trusted from the society that is needed to fully recover oneself from the state of being abused.
“Napakahalaga ng coping mechanism ng family support, plus, of course, faith in God.’Yong mga religious activities, kasi, of course, as we all know, it help us to be more optimistic or positive,” Lopez suggested
According to the survey conducted by the social group Center for the Prevention and Treatment of Child Sexual Abuse (CPTCSA) last 2010, the Philippines has at least two hundred thousand reported cases of abused citizens. These incidents are composed of cases of physical abuse, self-abuse, left neglected with emotional bearings, while ninety percent of reported cases were noted as sexually molested. Moreover, these alarming figures excluded the unreported incidents in the different regions of the country.
Sadly, these reports are not just simple survey papers. They are real humans: your friend, your classmate, your sister or brother, your neighbor, a passerby, or maybe you. Everything appears to be so ordinary although most of the times, they are not. The real deal behind the surface will definitely come out sooner or later.
Reality will always find a way to reveal itself no matter how hard we try to hide it. It is always better to face your fear today than in postponing it for the never-ending tomorrow.
If you taught you already knew everything, well, think again.
The world is filled with untold stories, of histories, which are strongly hidden for the fear of being mocked, being judged, and the fear of ruining a relationship. Such accounts can be about a broken family, an awful break-up or a cheated friend. But then, this time, it’s not about them anymore. It’s about the ones with the most heart-pinching stories which unnoticing start and secretly end, the cases of the abused.
The reality is that anyone could be a victim of this nightmarish experience. They could be your friend, classmate or acquaintance. They can be the ones you always encounter although you may not notice them at all.
Or they may be you.
“Sabunot, sampal, minsan sa sobrang galit suntok na nga”
Wounds take time to heal but the scars will still remain. The marks of brutality and pain are undeniably present especially for Mae, not her real name. Abuse became the companion of this third year Legal management student, ever since her father had a motorcycle accident way back in 2000. Hindered to get back to his job, this event in her family’s life was the start of their seemingly unending hardships.
“Maliit na bagay lang, napupuna na niya. ‘Pag lasing siya, agad nananakit siya. ‘Pag may nagawa kaming mali, imbes na kausapin na lang niya kami e sinasaktan niya pa kaming mga kapatid ko. Tapos minsan, pati mama ko. Sabunot, sampal, minsan sa sobrang galit, suntok na nga,” recalled Mae.
Her father’s unemployment together with the bulking expenses for his medication turned their fairytale into a brutal nightmare. Along came financial problems which, eventually, changed the once calm, sensible and responsible man into an inhumane being that gave them the life they never thought they would have. As this monster began to beat each of them in the family unreasonably, their world then started to totally turn upside down.
“Ang tingin niya sa sarili niya,parang wala kasi siyang kwenta, kasi ‘yong ibang tatay nga naman, binubuhay ‘yong pamilya nila. Parang nasasaktan siya tuwing naiisip n’ya na parang wala man lang siyang magawa para sa ’min,” told Mae.
For 11 years, Mae had to endure all those terrible sufferings, from bruises, scratches and different wounds on her face and body, all coming from her father. This maltreatment of her dearest man soon triggered hatred resulting to a broken trust and faded love.
“Medyo nasanay na ako [na sinasaktan]. Kasi lagi na lang eh. Madami s’yang salitang [masasakit] na lumalabas sa bibig n’ya. Parang parte na talaga ng buhay namin ang ganito [pananakit]. ‘Yong tipong parang ayaw ko nang umuwi ng bahay kasi ganon ‘yong tatay ko, tapos naiinggit ako sa mga tatay na nakaka-bonding nila ‘yong mga anak tapos parang magkakabarkada lang ‘yong turingan nila. Gustung-gusto ko maranasan ‘yong gano’n,” said Mae.
Despite her heart for rebellion, Mae admitted that she still couldn’t fight back because of the fact that he was still her father after all. Her pleads of mercy to her father were all up to no avail and it was only her mother’s comforting words that comfort her every time the trouble happens.
“Minsan, nasasabi ko sa sarili ko, ‘Bakit nabuhay pa kami kung ganitong buhay pala ‘yong dadatnan namin? ...ba’t ‘di pa siya mamatay para ‘di na kami mahirapan pa?’” related Mae.
Yet, she still hoped that soon, they could flip these dark memories into new and positive ones. Fortunately, her hopes didn’t fail her. As their father came to realize their terrible situation, her desire to have a loving and peaceful family became a reality once more.
“Sa ngayon, okay naman kaming pamilya. Madalang na lang siyang nananakit. Dahil [siguro] lumalaki na kami at tumatanda na silang pareho ni mama ko. Siguro napag-isip-isip n’ya na walang kakampi ni isang anak n’ya [sa kanya] dahil alam niya na ni minsan hindi naging tama ang mga pangaral n’ya na dinadaan agad sa pananakit sa amin. Saka siguro nakikita n’yang lumalaki na kaming mga anak n’ya. Na alam na namin ang tama at mali,’’ ended Mae.
“Nawalan kasi ako ng pangarap”
Emotional pain is always harder to endure than the physical one. While there is a cure for the latter, the remedy for the first is not certain at all. An individual can also experience intense emotional afflictions. As every person wants to love and to be loved back, it might affect them if they would not meet the necessity innate to their being.
“Eleven years old ako no’ng namatay Mami ko, namatay siya due to cardiac arrest. Simula no’n, talagang naghirap kami, naibenta ‘yong ilang sasakyan at nagkanda-utang ‘yong tindahan. ‘The Great Sadness’,” revealed Gretch, not her real name, from the College of Arts and Letters.
Gretch's world suddenly falls when the only strength she has had finally left her. Loneliness and grief enveloped her and that didn’t make her life easy. Adding to her pain, Gretch discovered how her father's condition can make everything even worse.
“Mula ng namatay si mami napariwara rin si Dade. Lagi siya sa beer house, umuuwing lasing. Sobrang sakit sa ’kin no’ng may inuwi s’yang babae. Parang gano’n lang kadali para sa kanya na makahanap ng kapalit ni Mami. No’ng minsang umuwi si Dade, I think one year nang wala si mama no’n. Ginising nya ko no’n no’ng umaga tapos kasama nya ‘yong babae. Umiiyak lang ako no’n habang nag-aasikaso papasok sa school. ‘Di ko na rin s’ya nakausap tungkol do’n," she narrated.
Because of all the cascading events that she experienced, the once bright and studious little girl during her elementary days lost her interest in school. “Tinamad ako mag-aral. Noon parang hindi na talaga ako makausap saka parang nawalan kasi ako ng pangarap,” shared Gretch.
To show her frustration, when some guy woos her, Gretch would take that as an opportunity to enact revenge.
"‘Pag may nagkakagusto sa akin, pinapaasa ko tapos iniiwan ko. Hindi kasi ako sanay na may lalaking espesyal ang trato sa akin. Parang ang hirap magtiwala. Kaya ‘pag may ganoon, ine-enjoy ko lang ‘yong feeling na may may nagkakandarapa sa akin tapos ‘pag ‘di ko na feel, tigil na," Gretch told Pacesetter.
But then, Karma’s a bitch, Gretch fell in love with a guy who doesn’t like her. She realized that revenge is not the answer for her problems. Finally, she learned how to accept the changes in her life by being strong enough to continue even with all the scars in her heart. As a proof, she has now learned to accept about the new lover of her father and they are now living with her stepmom.
"Marami naman kasing dahilan para maging masaya. Kung ipapako ko lang ‘yong sarili ko sa nakaraan na gawa ng pagkakamali ng ibang tao sa paligid ko e mali ‘yon," explained Gretch.
“Napakabigat ng dala kong problema”
When uncontrollable desire decides to gush from one’s nerves and system, there are no friends, no more loved ones and no more family. By then, all that matters is the irresistible need to release that sensation that keeps a person from thinking which is wrong or right.
Hannah, an aspiring broadcaster shared what happened when she and her Dad stayed with her Lolo’s for a vacation. At the age of12, she was at the verge of puberty. Her father made a ‘move’ on her.
“Nagsimula ‘yon around June or July, 2007. As usual, sa isang room kami natulog kasi normal lang naman sa amin na minsan tabi-tabi. Then no’ng madaling araw, naalimpungatan ako. Ayun may ‘something’ pero nagpanggap ako na tulog kasi hindi ko maintindihan kung ano ang nangyayari,” she recounted.
Hannah’s innocence made her scared to ask and fight for she didn’t know what to do. Reality wakes her from her 'so-called' dream when she finally discovered that her nightmares are real. It happened again and again, she pretends to be asleep and unaware of what is really happening.
“No’ng mga sumunod na araw wala naman binabanggit ‘yong Dad ko kaya akala ko panaginip ko lang. Hanggang sa naulit ‘yon. Nararamdaman ko hinahawak-hawakan niya ako. Tapos may pinasok siya sa pagitan ng hita ko,” Hannah revealed.
Her nightmares came into life at least once in a month in her whole high school life until her first day in college as she and her father are always left alone in their house. Her father is a househusband while Hannah’s mother was only home during the weekends. Meanwhile, her older sister leaved for university early and came home late at night.
Hannah admitted that she had already lost count of how many times her father mother nightmares a living hell. She wanted to be free from her monster of a dad but her attempts were feeble.
“Buong high school ko napakabigat ng dala kong problema. ‘Yon ‘yong dahilan kung bakit naglalaslas ako ng buong second at third year. [Dahil do’n], ‘di na ako nagtitiwala sa lalaki. Minsan i-expect ko na agad ang worst sa kanila,” Hannah said.
It was only on her first year in college, when she hallucinated due to dengue, that she had finally confessed everything to her mother. Her sickness brought her to reveal the more painful truths. “[‘Yong Ate ko], hinawakan. Kumbaga pinagtangkaan lang. Nagsumbong agad si Ate eh. Hangang-hanga ako sa kanya. Pero ang alam niya na nangyari sa akin ay ’yong katulad ng kanya. ‘Di niya alam na natuloy ‘yong akin. Hindi niya alam kung gaano karaming beses,” Hannah cried.
After she confessed of what had happened, her mother and her Ate decided to depart from their father’s house. Despite their freedom from the abusive father, still, the damage has already been done. Hannah decided to build walls around her and shield herself from future heartaches and sufferings.
"Medyo kakaiba ang naging pag-express ko ng emotions. Minsan natatawa ko ‘pag may patay or natutuwa ako. Natuto ako na gumawa ng maskara para sa sarili ko. Maskara para ipakita sa tao kung ano lang gusto kong ipakita sa kanila," Hannah concluded.
Case Closed
Abuse cases are obviously a serious issue in the country proven by the countless complaints and testimonies being accounted for the last few years. According to Bobby Lopez, Head Coordinator on Human Rights Education, these instances, which is usually prolonged in silence, had caused demoralization of every victim’s being and fear of interacting with other people.
“Kasi sa atin Filipino kasi may culture of silence. Karaniwan ng mga na-a-abuse e mga bata. They would feel na helpless, defenseless and sometimes being threatened. They preferred to be silent because they are afraid na masira ung relationship na mayroon sa pamilya," Lopez explained.
Indeed, abusing is an alarming matter that is needed to be resolved at once. Lives are damaged. Personal being is affected. Nevertheless, it is still the support of the family, relatives, friends and anyone who can be trusted from the society that is needed to fully recover oneself from the state of being abused.
“Napakahalaga ng coping mechanism ng family support, plus, of course, faith in God.’Yong mga religious activities, kasi, of course, as we all know, it help us to be more optimistic or positive,” Lopez suggested
According to the survey conducted by the social group Center for the Prevention and Treatment of Child Sexual Abuse (CPTCSA) last 2010, the Philippines has at least two hundred thousand reported cases of abused citizens. These incidents are composed of cases of physical abuse, self-abuse, left neglected with emotional bearings, while ninety percent of reported cases were noted as sexually molested. Moreover, these alarming figures excluded the unreported incidents in the different regions of the country.
Sadly, these reports are not just simple survey papers. They are real humans: your friend, your classmate, your sister or brother, your neighbor, a passerby, or maybe you. Everything appears to be so ordinary although most of the times, they are not. The real deal behind the surface will definitely come out sooner or later.
Reality will always find a way to reveal itself no matter how hard we try to hide it. It is always better to face your fear today than in postponing it for the never-ending tomorrow.