Behind Small Things
Pacesetter Vol XLI No. 1 Broadsheet Issue
Not all things are meant to be appreciated.
Being abandoned by someone is one of my greatest fears since I know the feeling of loneliness and grief whenever someone tried to let go of any connections we have since the beginning. Moving on is not that easy and saying goodbye means hopelessness and teardrops, so I learned to treasure the people around me even if it means giving up everything that I have to make them feel happy.
The need to be appreciated became my goal and to please someone is an achievement for me due to the rejection and refusal that I have experienced before. Going home with nothing but dried tears and low self esteem after every contest seems to be my companion during my elementary years. Going up on the stage while carrying certificates and trophies will only remain as a dream just like how fairy tales are only created by wide imaginations and so-called ‘happily-ever-after’ endings. The painful feeling of disappointment as how the abandoned letters and unnoticed notes keep from falling into my miserable world and let me hide myself inside the cons shell of dread and fright.
Pacesetter Vol XLI No. 1 Broadsheet Issue
Not all things are meant to be appreciated.
Being abandoned by someone is one of my greatest fears since I know the feeling of loneliness and grief whenever someone tried to let go of any connections we have since the beginning. Moving on is not that easy and saying goodbye means hopelessness and teardrops, so I learned to treasure the people around me even if it means giving up everything that I have to make them feel happy.
The need to be appreciated became my goal and to please someone is an achievement for me due to the rejection and refusal that I have experienced before. Going home with nothing but dried tears and low self esteem after every contest seems to be my companion during my elementary years. Going up on the stage while carrying certificates and trophies will only remain as a dream just like how fairy tales are only created by wide imaginations and so-called ‘happily-ever-after’ endings. The painful feeling of disappointment as how the abandoned letters and unnoticed notes keep from falling into my miserable world and let me hide myself inside the cons shell of dread and fright.
Kakorrhaphiophobia or the feeling of irrational fear when you are about to be exposed to rejection or defeat really bothers me. After searching the net, I found out how this terror became a hindrance for me to pursue my dreams and trust my own instincts. I almost lost my hope to be a part of Pacesetter’s editorial board because of this. Athazagoraphobia or the fear of being forgotten and unappreciated also adds up to my worries. But I’m trying my best to conquer it. I’m crossing my fingers that it will not be too hard to handle it this time.
Moreover, exerting big efforts to small things and situations taught me that life really is not about being there in times of need but is about the willingness of a person to sacrifice everything for the sake of others. That no matter how tired, lonely, depressed or problematic I am, the feeling of sharing what I have can make a person feel that he’s special. I know that every one of us wants to feel the belongingness from the people around our lives; that we are already contented to hear a simple thank you and to receive a warm smile for us to know that we are appreciated. Acceptance really does matter, since I already know the feeling of being taken for granted. The fact that no matter how imperfect I am, there will always be ‘some’ people around me who were thankful that I once became a part of who they are now, whether it’s through those moments of their ups or downs. Despite committing mistakes, we still have a chance to understand and forgive everyone. We are not aware that behind those deeds and sacrifices lies a different angle of the story. We are just ignoring what they did, not knowing that we had lost what we already have. Time will come that we will appreciate things when they’re gone. We will just miss their existence when it’s too late to turn back what’s done. Sounds dramatic, eh? But the reality that this situation really happens can break someone’s hope to receive a better treatment from other people. Sometimes, the things that we thought are just too simple to care upon are the ones who need enough concern and attention. We often neglect little sacrifices that we fail to notice how much these things mean to someone. It’s not that hard to express appreciation since we all have a lot of ways to do it. We just tend to ignore everything. |
The fact that no one will ever appreciate you just to be a part of their lives is too painful to accept. Reality will strike you to the realization that, even if you already did everything, it is still not enough. We are living in self-centred and egocentric world that we always forget to cherish the things that we have. We only remember their faults but we don't even bother to thank them for every little act that they once did.
Maybe, I'm just being sensitive but let's face it. We are used to take things for granted. We are all close-minded to recognize things beyond what we always see, since we are comfortable that certain people will never leave us no matter what happens. We are selfish; we’re good at pointing into someone’s imperfections that we don’t notice our own. And this truth really sucks. I don’t need to convince them to know my worth, how important I am and how much I value them, accepting my dark sides are more than enough. If people will just learn how to appreciate things, maybe, heartaches and despairs will never be experienced by everyone. I don’t need to wait for more than eight hours to know how important I am. I failed before, but I’ll make sure I am not that stupid to do that again. We don’t need to be perfect to be someone’s ideal girl/man; we must remember that the person who will remain despite seeing the worst of us will surely be worth risking for. Not all people are going to stay with us until the end; we should know how to stand up for ourselves even if it means being alone. We don’t have any choice especially when no one will even care about us. In every small thing comes the biggest effort. Small sacrifices mean big ones. Things fade but feelings don’t. Memories will remind us of the things we fail to take care of. It’s about time to count what we have and appreciate it than to see ourselves longing for its presence when it’s too late. We don’t know how important they are for now, but someday we will. |